One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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