Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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