can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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