take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Someone shit on the floor
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
