Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
