I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
