His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
