My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
