Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
