batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
