u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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