i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
