kristin has been a bad kristin
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize