Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
