i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
