mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
