Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
