I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
