running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
