Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
