she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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