Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
