I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
