he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize