i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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