so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
