im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have post one night stand depression
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
