there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
