one two three fourrrrnication!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
