I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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