If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
