maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
