I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
