Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
