you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
