Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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