Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A bitchslap is in order.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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