I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
