After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize