You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
