Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
