I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
