I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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