there's paper in my vomit.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
