im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
sarcasm needs its own font
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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