I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
