Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
