hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
