By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
