why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
