you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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