he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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