So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize