Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The struggles of a small town man whore
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
