Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
