I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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