need another drink. this is the easiest way
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You pole danced in your parka.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
