Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
