All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
