I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
