after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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