Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
