Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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