if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it was like eating out sand paper
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
