so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Your dad touched me again.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
