I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
