I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
