Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
