ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How naked do you want me to be?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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