There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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