Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
