so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
