stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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