dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
