I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize