My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
