Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
