do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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