She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
