Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
