Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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