Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
