she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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