i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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