At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
