I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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