ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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