all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
