I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
