Nicole vs. Life
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My feet surprised me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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