I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
