billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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