Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
