I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
