In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
