Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
