Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
