Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
