He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
