How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
