We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
