he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
