Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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