this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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