You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
