haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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