from now on my penis is your penis
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Randomize
