Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
