I wish my penis had an off switch
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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