You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
