I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
