...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
