I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i think my cat just said my name.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
